9 Things America Gets Wrong About Sex


Americans Get ALOT Wrong When It Comes To Sex

There was a brilliant post recently in Huffington Post, 8 Things America Gets Wrong About Sex. Americans fall far behind other countries in their attitude, education and practice of sex.

According to the article, something happened around the 1700s that “. . . has grown into a sinister vine tightly wound around many of our public institutions . . . the stigma around sex and sexuality persists where it hurts the most: in the classroom, doctor’s office, at political conventions and sometimes, in the voting booth.”

Here are 9 things we still get very wrong when it comes to sex:

1. Doctors Ignore Sexual Health

Both men and women are scared to discuss sex with their doctors and doctors don’t want to discuss sex with their patients. There’s limited sexual health education in medical school, which is probably what makes doctors unwilling to touch the subject. According to the World Health Organization, “The purposes of sexual health care should be the enhancement of life and personal relationships, and not merely counseling and care related to procreation or sexually transmitted infections.” Interestingly enough, the US has the highest rate of STDs in the industrialized world. Maybe better education is the answer? But wait…we have little to no sexual education.

2. Sexual Education  - What’s That?

Unfortunately, sexual education in the US is mostly about abstinence. There’s a lot more to sexual education than just abstinence — how to have sex, consent, how to use contraception, and STDs. Teens who only receive abstinence-only sex education are more likely to get pregnant, according to the Journal of Adolescent Health. What’s wrong with this picture? Kids will have sex whether we want them to or not — isn’t it our responsibility as adults to educate them as to the what, how, and why?

3. Waiting To Have Sex Until Marriage

There is a lot of money spent on abstinence-only education. Despite that, 95% of Americans are sexually active before marriage. So, why spend all that money ($1.5 billion in the past 25 years)?

4. Defining What Sex Is – And Is Not

While 53% of Americans support same-sex marriage, many Americans are still not comfortable with 2 men or 2 women having sex. On the same note, they are also not comfortable with multiple people having sex or being in a relationship. Are things changing or are we just more aware of differences?

5. Our Love Hate Relationship With Porn

Despite the fact that the US is the 4th largest consumer of porn globally, we still look down on sex workers. Strangely enough, the people with the most traditional views on sex — the red states — have the highest porn consumption rates. Why do we watch and enjoy porn yet openly speak out against it? “When we keep porn (and to a lesser extent, sex) an illicit, albeit open secret, we lose the opportunity to provide young people with the media literacy to understand what they are seeing, where it comes from and how it diverges from real life.”

6. We Don’t Know How To Do It

Numbers don’t lie: only 48% of Americans are sexually satisfied. What about the other 52%? Compare that to 64% of Italians and 90% of Spaniards who are sexually satisfied. While Spanish men were rated the best lovers in the world, American men were rated the 5th worst. Who is now moving to Spain?

7. We Pretend It Doesn’t Exist

Despite the fact that most of us do it, we pretend it doesn’t exist. Why? To many people, shame equals sex. “Problems arise when we censor sexuality to the point that we teach our children to be ashamed of said sexuality.” Sex and love are beautiful things. We should not teach our children to be ashamed.

8. We Hate It

“In a country where “sex” so often precedes “scandal,” the degree of negative sexual discourse in America seems to imply a complete aversion to it.” Why is it that a bare nipple offends more than gun violence? Guns kill whereas sex delights.

9. Pleasure – What’s That?

Pleasure is never discussed, and if it is, it is only with regards to men’s pleasure. Women deserve pleasure just as much as men, yet it is either forgotten or an after-thought. Why aren’t we open to the topic of sexual pleasure? What are we afraid of? A more healthy and joyous life?

Along these same lines, we also have a love hate relationship with sex toys. Cheap adult toys have ruined the industry and the notion that pleasure is acceptable and good. Yet, many people buy cheap toys only to realize that they’ve just wasted their money and it’s a joke. Why do we settle for inferior products and thus inferior pleasure, when we deserve more?


A Programmable Vibrator Loved By A Reviewer


What is it?

Minna Ola Vibrator. This luxury vibrator is fun to play and experiment with. Unlike other vibrators that have set patterns, the user can program and record Ola with any vibration pattern that they like. The more you press the soft pad at the top, the stronger the vibration. The less you press, the lighter vibration. Ola is rechargeable, waterproof and made with 100% body-safe materials.

Who’s it for?

Sex toy users who are looking for something different in a vibrator and prefer to have all of the control when it comes to amount of vibration and vibration patterns. Minna Ola can be used for clitoral or G-spot stimulation. It is excellent for teasing during couples play.

Direct from Property of Potter

“I can’t say enough positive things about the Ola from Minna Life! Not only does it feature many of the key points I look for in a sex toy, but it’s unlike any G-spot vibe I’ve ever used before. So many other vibes feature patterns that just don’t appeal to me, but the Ola allows you to create unique patterns every time you use it! The majority of the toy is very firm, but the handle has a soft pad that responds to pressure. Squeeze it lightly and the vibrations are light, squeeze it firmly and the vibrations are powerful. There’s really no limit to the patterns you’re able to create! This vibe has the ability to put your pattern on loop (continuously cycling) and will even lock it! So once you have a pattern figured out that you enjoy, you simply loop it, lock it, and you don’t have to worry about squeezing the pad! The power behind the vibrations is really fantastic! It takes something really powerful to please me, and I was impressed! The vibrations are suitable for just about anyone since the power is adjusted by the touch of your hand. More sensitive users simply need to apply less pressure when creating patterns. Not only is the power awesome, but so is the shape and size. I thought it looked really small at first, but it ended up working in my favor. The tip of the toy curves nicely and really targeted my G-spot when used internally. Externally it provides nicely focused pleasure as well. Though I commonly prefer larger toys, I really liked how Ola worked for me. If you love patterns and are tired of toys featuring the exact same pulse modes, this is the toy to get! No matter what you’re in the mood for, Ola can be programmed to satisfy your needs!

Want to try the vibrator that never gets old for yourself? Buy it now at My Secret Luxury.

7 Amazing Facts About the Clitoris

The clitoris is very misunderstood. You can thank the lack of sexual education that none of us had.

We have learned so much being in the adult toy business. Unfortunately, most people are not as lucky as us. Not only are they not aware of all the great high quality body-safe adult toys and accessories out there, they also don’t understand the female body.

Queerie Bradshaw is one of our favorite bloggers. She’s sassy, intelligent and ethical. She wrote this great post about the clitoris. We already knew these amazing facts about the clitoris . . . Did you?

1. It’s Very Sensitive

The clitoris has approximately 8,000 sensory nerve endings (yes – you read that correctly) and affects over 50,000 nerves all over the body when stimulated. Although it might seem very tiny, it’s very powerful. Meanwhile, the penis has 4,000. Who knew?

2. It Is The Same Organ As The Penis

The clitoris and the penis started out in the embryo as the same genital tissue. Somewhere between 8 to 12 weeks after conception, the Y chromosome determines that this organ will be a penis. The clitoris develops from the same tissues that becomes the glands and upper shaft of the penis. This shared embryonic origin makes these two organs different versions of the same structure.

3. There is More To The Clitoris Than Meets The Eye

The clitoris resembles a wish bone, but you can only see the tip (the clitoral head) or the hood (the foreskin). There are two clitoral “legs” inside the body that go along your labia and can be massaged or stimulated during penetration and extend down the vaginal wall.


Compliments of Wikipedia


4. The Clitoris Is Selective In Where It Appears

Did you know that the clitoris is only found in mammals, ostriches and only a select few other animals? Interestingly enough, humans are the only species that use the clitoris for sexual pleasure. As Queerie Bradshaw said, “I’m glad I’m one of the chosen.”

5. Each Clitoris Is Different

Similar to how every woman’s body is different, so is the shape, color and size of every woman’s clitoris. Some are small, some are big, some are hidden, while some aren’t shy. While aroused, some increase in size, while others remain under the hood. Some love a lot of pressure, while others prefer a soft touch.

6. It Grows

As a woman gets older and thanks to her hormones, her body changes. During puberty, the clitoris starts to grow. By the time she’s in her 30′s, the clitoris will be about 4 times bigger than it was at puberty. After menopause, the clitoris will be about 7 times larger than it was at birth. WOW!

7. It’s Only Job Is Pleasure

The clitoris is the only part of the body that is designed solely for pleasure and has no other purpose.  Although women might get older, the clitoris never ages. Once it matures, it’s ready to get to work and seek pleasure whenever she is ready.

Now that you have a better understanding of the clitoris, it’s time to get to work and seek the pleasure that the clitoris deserves!



This Is How Women Masturbate


This is an excellent infographic on women’s masturbation reasons and habits. Anyone who still believes the “women don’t masturbate” myth needs to read this.

Cosmopolitan.com surveyed 2000 readers (98% women with the average age of 21). They found that 95% (yes, you read that correctly) masturbate and about 50% do it a few times per week. WOW! Meanwhile, although almost all women masturbate (at least in that age bracket), only 1/3 discuss masturbation with their friends.

Meanwhile, the small percentage of women who don’t masturbate state these reasons:

  • They feel awkward
  • They can’t focus
  • They don’t know their body
  • Men don’t understand the need to masturbate
  • They are unable to turn themselves on
  • Religious reasons are holding them back

So, now that we know who masturbates, let’s figure out the how, why and when:

How? Most women use their hands, while only some use a sex toy (hopefully they use high quality sex toys!). Sixty percent use porn to get in the mood. Almost 90% of women orgasm most of the time when they masturbate. Yay!

Why? Many women masturbate to either relieve stress, to help them fall asleep or because they are bored. More than 65% say that being in a relationship doesn’t affect their masturbation habits.

When? Most women masturbate before bed.

Inspired? Buy yourself (or the woman in your life) a luxury sex toy at My Secret Luxury and get started so that you can prove this survey right!

How Yoga Can Improve Your Sex Life

Yoga Can Improve Your Sex Life

Many people practice yoga today. Yoga is not only good for your health but it can improve your sex life. It helps you slow down & relax, get connected to your body, and improve flexibility, strength & your mental state. Did you know that it can also help you improve your sex life? Here’s how:

1. Yoga allows you to be more in touch with your body. It helps you learn more about your body. The more aware you are of your body and different sensations, the more you feel and experience during sex. When you know your body, you are better able to pleasure yourself, communicate with your partner & know when something isn’t right.  (Besides yoga, great books for women to read are Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sherri Winston and Your Pleasure Map by Shanna Katz.) Plus, yoga helps you love your body more, so you don’t have the insecurities that hold many women back in the bedroom.

Yoga moves to try:
Hip-openers! Hip-opening poses increase blood flow to the pelvic region, improve flexibility, and offer greater access to the pelvic floor. Some favorite positions include: Pigeon PoseCrescent Lunges; and Baddha Konasana.

2. It helps you focus. If you find yourself mentally going through your to do list during sex, you need help focusing. Yoga helps you learn how to tune out distractions and be present in the moment, bringing your mind back to yourself and your partner. (Other ways to still your mind is to focus on the sensation on your body; use your inner vision to visualize and fantasize; and make sounds, which is a distraction from your thoughts.)

Yoga moves to try:
Tree pose, or any standing balance pose.

3. It improves flexibility. Being more flexible will allow you to get into positions without being uncomfortable, which leads to more experimentation and fun!

Yoga moves to try:
Upward Facing DogTriangle, and Bridge poses.

4. It boosts stamina. Feeling too lazy or tired for sex? Increasing your endurance with yoga can improve your stamina, both physically and mentally. One key to endurance is to better utilize you intake of oxygen. The body relies on oxygen for producing energy and delivers oxygen to the working muscles during exercise or sex. When your body uses oxygen more efficiently, your performance and stamina are improved.

The breathing aspect of yoga is especially important – it allows you to use oxygen more efficiently and ultimately improves your overall performance. Plus, the more you breathe, the more you feel.

Yoga moves to try:
Any yoga squat and Warrior poses.

5. It builds core strength. Stronger abs and core will help with increase stamina. The core is also important to the pelvic floor muscles, which leads to increased sensation in the pelvic region.

Yoga moves to try:
Boat and Plank poses.

Want more yoga moves for a better sex life? You can also try:

Kneeling Cat/Cow: On all fours, arch and curl the spine. Repeat 10 times. This will increase blood flow to the pelvis and motion in your lumbar spine.
Pelvic Pulses: Stand with knees slightly bent, hands on your lower back. Push hips forward while clenching your glutes and abs. Repeat. This helps strengthen the “thrusting” muscles of the back, hips, and abs.
Lunge Lizard: Lunge with one foot forward, one knee on the floor. Place forearms on a block or on the floor inside your front foot and hold for 10 breaths. Repeat on the other side. This stretches pelvic muscles and stimulates blood flow to the sexual organs.
Seated Goddess: Sit on the floor with your feet flat and together and knees bent. Open your knees, then grab hold of your legs or feet and gently fold forward. This helps release hip and groin tension, which is thought to energize libido.

A Woman’s Guide To Using Male Sex Toys


A Woman’s Guide to Using Male Sex Toys

We saw this great article in Maxim and we just had to share: The Girl’s Guide to Using Male Sex Toys.

As we often say, sex toys are not what they used to be. Now that it’s 2014, they are more discreet and much more mainstream. Although the majority of sex toys are made for women, more and more are being made for men.

Some men believe that sex toys are a threat to their masculinity or only gay men use sex toys. The truth is that many couples are using male sex toys together. For example, vibrating penis rings are worn on the penis during sex.

Why She Likes It

Many women love turning their man on and giving pleasure as much as she loves receiving pleasure. Using a sex toy is a way to help him explore his body with new and different kinds of sensations. Plus, toys don’t get tired. Also, toys allow a her to go where she might not feel comfortable going, especially when performing a prostate massage.

Getting Started
Many men already use their partner’s vibrating toys on themselves. So a natural segue are toys just for him. Shop and explore together. It can be both fun and builds anticipation for what is to come! Whatever you do, definitely discuss the subject outside of the bedroom, so he won’t feel any pressure.


Male sex toys are not just for gay men. Being gay is not about what you do; it’s about who you do it with. “Sexual pleasure is about where your nerves are,” says sex educator Dr. Charlie Glickman. A prostate orgasm is the best orgasm a man will have. Period. Yet, so many men are missing out on pleasure that the body is capable of. Also, male sex toys can help improve prostate health and erectile dysfunction.

How to Choose

There are so many toys to choose from, but it’s best to narrow it down to what you want and your priorities. If you are looking for a toy that focuses stimulation on the penis, then try a penis ring, like the Je Joue Mio, or a masturbator, which is a different twist on a hand job. Our favorite is the Pulse.

If he’s ready to explore prostate play, we recommend, the Aneros SGX or Aneros Helix Syn, which are great beginner prostate massagers. They are easy to insert and remove. If he wants to try a vibrating prostate massage, which some men like better, then we recommend the Fun Factory Duke. It is easy to insert, does a good job staying in place and stimulates the prostate with rumbly vibrations.

Increase Foreplay and Intimacy
According to psychologist and author of From the Living Room to the Bedroom, Dr. Bill Bercaw, “Using male sex toys can expand a couple’s menu of pleasurable activities, especially in a committed relationship where both partners feel secure and trusting. Since novelty and experimentation are key elements of healthy sexuality, these toys can provide a fun way to keep things interesting.” Sex toys not only help you spice things up, but they also create more intimacy and bring you closer to your partner. Another benefit, is that it makes foreplay last longer!

Common Sex Toy Myths

Common Sex Toy Myths

Love them or hate them, sex toys are here to stay. Adult toys are more mainstream thanks to the fact that they are more discreet and are no longer cheap novelties. Unfortunately, there are still many misconceptions and myths that surround sex toys. So, here some common sex toy myths that are totally wrong  — and the facts.

Myth #1 – Using sex toys isn’t natural or healthy.

Fact: Hello! Sex is natural and healthy! So, why wouldn’t sex toys be natural or healthy? Women who use sex toys reported a higher level of desire, more arousal, more lubrication, frequent orgasms and greater sexual satisfaction with their partners than women who did not use sex toys.

Myth #2 – Toys are only for single people.

Fact: Yes – many toys are meant for masturbation, but some toys are more fun and effective when used with or by a partner. Did you know that 78% of women use sex toys while in a relationship? A recent survey by the University of Indiana’s Kinsey Institute shows that 1 in 10 American men have used a sex toy in partner sex at least once in the past month.

Myth #3 – Toys will replace your partner.

Fact: Sex toys are not replacements for actual people.  Toys can not replace the love and excitement you and your partner give one another. They are used as a way to enhance sexual play to help increase excitement and pleasure. The key here is to enhance not replace. Sex toys are similar to salt: adding salt to chocolate improves the flavor and makes chocolate taste much better!

Myth #4 – She will become addicted and won’t be able to orgasm without it.

Fact: She can not become addicted to sex toys. When a person is really addicted to something, they develop a tolerance or go through withdrawal. This does not happen when using sex toys! These objects provide pleasure that people get used to, not addicted to. Once someone has found something that hits the spot everytime, they don’t want it to stop. So, we recommend to switch it up using different toys, positions, etc.!

Myth #5 – Vibrators can permanently desensitize the clitoris or sensitivity decreases over time, so she won’t orgasm as easily.

Fact: As women age, less blood flows to the clitoris and vagina, and the vaginal walls get thinner. Arousal and orgasm takes longer. Vibrators enhance sensitivity by increasing blood flow to the genitals quickly and powerfully and by directly stimulating the clitoris. Some women can experience numbness or mild discomfort (depending on the speed), but it is very temporary. As long as she takes a break and switches it up, she will be fine.

Myth #6 – If a woman needs a vibrator to orgasm, something is wrong with her.

Fact: Vibrators make it easier for women to become aroused and orgasm. They also improve her sexual satisfaction. Women who have difficulty with orgasm are sexually normal. They merely require stimulation beyond what fingers and mouths can provide. According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, 25% of women are in this situation. Would you badmouth a homeowner for using a snow blower to clear his driveway? NO! Snowblowers get the job done much faster and more efficiently.

Myth #7 – If a woman needs a vibrator to have an orgasm, there’s something wrong with her man.

Fact: No! There is nothing wrong with him. Men need to understand that women are built differently – they take longer to orgasm. A vibrator or sex toy is just there to speed things up! Also, men need to understand that approximately 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. So, vibrators and sex toys help the situation. Doesn’t she deserve pleasure as well?

Myth #8 – Sex toys are dangerous. You can burn yourself using sex toys.

Fact: Cheap sex toys are cheap for a reason. Adult novelties have no quality standards in materials or construction. Invest in quality and you will get better research & development, high quality body-safe materials that won’t break down over time, are made with toxic chemicals, overheat, or burn.

Myth #9 – You have to travel to a sex shop to buy sex toys.

Fact: You don’t have to go into a sex toy store if you feel uncomfortable. Thanks to the Internet and in home parties, like My Secret Soiree, you now can purchase sex toys in the privacy of your own home. Most trusted retailers and online sex toys stores, like My Secret Luxury, ship in discreet packages that don’t scream “YOUR SEX TOYS ARE HERE!” Did we miss anymore myths?