Holiday Gift Guide for Women and Men

Holiday-Gift-Guide-for-men-women

 

This holiday season, give the gift of pleasure. Sexy gifts of high quality adult toys and sex accessories make excellent gifts. They are the gifts that KEEP ON GIVING!

My Secret Luxury’s Holiday Gift Guide for Women and Men

Gifts for Women

Sexy Gifts for Women:

doxy-massager-300x300.png

Doxy Massager – Move over Hitachi Magic Wand. The Doxy is in town! This classic handheld electric massager gives you more power and control with many different speeds. It has a larger and softer head with a 9 foot cord. Doxy’s strong rumbling vibrations stimulate both beginners and advanced users and can be used on women and men.

fun-factory-stronic-pulsators-eins-zwei-drei-1000x1000.png

Fun Factory Stronic Pulsator – Whether you choose the Stronic EinsStronic Drei or Stronic Zwei, you enjoy this mini sex machine. These pulsators do not vibrate. Instead they pulsate and mimic the back and forth movement of penetration giving her a vaginal orgasm like no other. Try a pulsator with a clitoral vibrator and experience a different kind of pleasure.

minna-limon-vibrator-turquoise-1000x1000.png

Minna Limon Vibrator – This discreet mini vibrator is excellent for begininners or couples. You control the amount of power and vibration by squeezing the toy. You can even record the vibration pattern that you like best! It can be used for clitoral stimulation, oral sex, external anal play and on the penis.

we-vibe-4-vibrator-purple.jpg

We-Vibe 4 Vibrator / We-Vibe 4 Plus / We-Vibe 4 Plus App Only – This dual stimulation vibrator (stimulating the clitoris and the G-spot) can be used for solo or couples play. When used with a partner, the We-Vibe 4 is worn by her during penetration. This allows both partners to experience pleasure at the same time. The We-Vibe 4 is a remote controlled vibrator with a standard remote control and/or your smartphone.

we-vibe-tango-vibrator-pleasure-mate-group-2.jpg

We-Vibe Tango Pleasure Mate Collection – The very powerful and mini Tango vibrator now comes with 2 attachments making this 3-toys-in-1. Like before, you can use the Tango alone on the clitoris and labia. Use it with the Glow for either external stimulation on the clitoris and labia or internal G-spot stimulation. Or, you can use it with the Dusk for anal stimulation.

Gifts-for-Men

Gifts for Men:

fleshlight-flight-masturbation-sleeve.jpg

Fleshlight Flight Masturbation Sleeve – Flight is a discreet and smaller version of the original Fleshlight masturbator for men. It is soft and silky inside and feels lifelike and warm!

fun-factory-cobra-libre-2-masturbator-for-men-100x100.png

Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2 Masturbator - This male vibrator is meant to stimulate the head of your penis. It has two separate motors and is rechargeable. Use it hands-free and let the fun begin!

je-joue-mio-vibrating-penis-ring-300x300.png

Je Joue Mio Vibrating Penis Ring – The Mio is a rechargeable and powerful penis ring that helps you last longer and have better orgasms. It stretches to fit around the shaft of the penis to constrict the bloodflow.

lelo-pino-vibrating-ring-gift-set-black-300x300.png

LELO Pino Vibrating Penis Ring Gift Set – The Pino Gift Set is a complete gift for men and includes a money clip and silver cufflinks. Pino is powerful and has a unique design and shape allowing you to wear it with the motor on the top or below the base of the penis.

pulse-masturbator-hot-octopuss.png

PULSE Masturbator by Hot Octopuss – Finally, a discreet and powerful vibrating masturbator for men! The PULSE vibrator for men uses strong oscillations on the frenulum for the best orgasm of his life! This masturbator for men can be used with a hard or flaccid penis.

sex-toys-store-online Happy Holidays from My Secret Luxury!

 

The Difference Between Adult Novelties and Sex Toys

Difference-between-adult-novelties-sex-toys

Written by Kait Scalisi, MPH, Director of Education and Training, My Secret Luxury and My Secret Soiree

You know adult sex toys can help keep your relationship fun and exciting. But not all toys are made equally. Is there a difference between adult novelties and sex toys? Yes . . .  and no!

First and foremost, those toys that have “For Novelty Use Only” written on the box should be viewed as such: a gag gift ONLY that never ventures near your genitals.

The sex toy industry in the US is completely unregulated.

Sad – but true. What does this mean to you?

  1. When a new product comes out, it does not have to undergo testing in order to be sold. Instead, a company just starts selling it. Without testing, there is no way to know if the toy has risks associated with it.
  2. There are no regulations about what materials can and can NOT be used.
  3. There is no one to call if something bad does happen.

Compare this to medical treatments and devices which undergo several rounds of research and always come with information about potential side effects and contact information to report “adverse events.”

The ‘novelty’ label is result of this lack of oversight.

Some toys are called “Novelties” just because:

  1. It makes it less likely that a company will have to pay if you have a bad reaction to their product and sue them.
  2. The label distinguishes adult sex toys from medical devices. This requires both FDA approval and the extensive research and paperwork associated with such approval. It can take years and a whole lot of money to get a product through FDA testing.
  3. Medical devices are taxed at a much higher rate than novelties.
  4. Companies may have a case of “everyone is doing it.” Because they see other companies, including those who’ve been around for a while, using such labeling, they follow suit.

Luckily, not all toys suffer from being a ‘novelty.’ An increasing number of manufacturers, like those featured at My Secret Luxury, are committed to promoting sexual pleasure AND health.

What does this mean to you?

The toys are made with medical-grade materials. Such materials have undergone extensive testing, are proven to be safe for your body, and have been used for medical purposes for decades. Think 100% silicone, hard plastic, medical-grade stainless steel, and borosilicate glass.

Many of these companies also sell their products in Europe where sex toys are actually tested. This means their products must meet the rigorous standards of the EU and undergo the associated testing.

sex-toys-store-online

In general, you should avoid any toy with a ‘novelty’ label on the box. But of course, like many things related to sex, there are caveats.

Your state’s laws may require all retailers to market their toys as “novelty use only.”

Texas and Alabama are two such states. This makes it hard to tell whether the product you buy is actually safe for your body or never meant to go anywhere in or near it.

Even the best manufacturers may still include the word ‘novelty’ somewhere in their language.

This primarily has to do with avoiding being penalized by the FDA and falling victim to “everyone else is doing it”-itis. These manufacturers, however, will include this language in their general disclaimer about the toy not being used for medical purposes rather than smacking in on the box in big letters.

How to Choose a Safe Sex Toy

Now that you have an understanding of the difference between adult novelties and those sex toys that are safe to use, how do you pick the a safe one?

Here are 3 tips:

  1. Stick with manufacturers who are known for maintaining rigorous standards for their products. Think Fun Factory, Je Joue, JimmyJabe, LELO, OhMiBod, Tantus, Tenga and We-Vibe.
  2. Shop from stores that only offer body-safe high quality toys. Hint: My Secret Luxury is one of them!
  3. Avoid toys with any of the following characteristics:
    • Rough seams
    • A rubber-y, chemical smell (like that of a new shower curtain)
    • “Jelly” toys
    • See-through non glass toys
    • A lack of instructions

Now that you’re an educated consumer, you can focus on using high quality toys to enhance your sexual repertoire and relationship.

Confused about which sex toy is right for you? Schedule a FREE 15 minute consultation with our sex educator Kait here. Here’s what people are saying about working with her: “Working with Kait helped me experience more pleasure in my life!” ~DT, 29

Got Sex Questions? How To Get Answers

Got Sex Questions-How To Get Answers

Written by Kait Scalisi MPH, Director of Education and Training, My Secret Luxury and My Secret Soiree

Over the last five years leading adult sex toy parties and doing sexuality consultations, I’ve learned that most everyone has questions about sex. The questions vary a lot in terms of breadth and depth, but everyone, myself included, has them.

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for 20 years and are looking to add more variety and fun into your sex life. Maybe you just started a family and find you and your partner struggling to communicate effectively and with empathy. Maybe you’ve only been together for a short time and realize your your partner have some major hangups about sex that are making this part of your relationship really difficult.

Whatever the reason, you find yourself full of questions about your sexual health and pleasure needs and desires. So you do what any smart person does: consult the all-mighty Google. You quickly realize there are a lot more options out there to get the the answers you need.

Now the question is: If you have sex questions, how do you get answers?

It all comes down to the type of questions you have and what type of strategies work best for you. If, for example, you’re looking to learn about adult sex toys and how to talk to your partner about using them during sex, both a sex toy soirée and sexuality consultation(s) can provide the information and skills you need.

The difference here comes down to format: do you want a fun night with friends during which you also learn or do you want targeted strategies and individual guidance? Similarly, sex coaches, counselors, therapists and sexologists can help you navigate mismatched sex drives. However, how they go about working with you can vary dramatically, ranging from energy work to talk therapy.

Different sexuality professionals have different skill sets and goals. None are better or worse than the other: it all comes down to what you need. The beauty of this is that you always have someone else to turn to if one question leads to another..and another…and another!

The following options are listed in order of increasingly depth and individualized help.

Host a Soiree

My Secret Soirees are the perfect first step if you’re looking for some practical tips and tools to keep your sex life and relationship exciting so that you get the pleasure that you deserve. In addition to having a great time with friends, you’ll learn about topics like sexual anatomy and function, how to introduce toys in the bedroom, and what types of toys can help with specific sexual complaints. All soirees are led by a trained sex educator who also is there to answer additional questions you may have or point you in the direction of the best answers.

Sexuality Consultation, Counseling, or Coaching

Perhaps you are looking for something a little bit more personal. You have some specific questions or concerns that you want to address not in a group. Seeking out a sex educator, counselor, sexologist, or coach is the next best step. These individuals are trained to educate and problem solve, specifically to help you have the best sex and relationship possible. You generally work with them for shorter periods of time (one session to a few months) and focus on more concrete and acute problems. The main differences among them is in their approach to working with you. This varies by individual and can include breath work, readings, sexual communication exercises, practical sex tips, and more.

My Secret Luxury offers complimentary 15-minute consultations with our Director of Education and Training. Click here for more information or to schedule a session.

Sex Therapy

If you’ve tried the first few options or feel your sex concerns are rooted in deeper issues, sex therapy is your best option. Like all of the other practitioners, sex therapists help their clients have amazing sex and relationships. However, they also are licensed mental health providers. This means both that their training is regulated and they can provide more intensive therapy.

Sessions can include counseling, education, and coaching as well as specialized treatment for complex or coincident issues such as depression or a history of trauma. Similar to any other therapist, sex therapists may have different modalities they work with such as talk therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and family systems therapy.

It’s important to note that sex therapists are not the same as couples’ or relationship therapists. These focus more on the relationship and personal factors and may not have the knowledge or training to discuss sex beyond the basics.

For more information on sex therapy, check out What is a Sex Therapist? To find a certified sex therapist near you, click here.

Now that we’ve gone over the different types of people you can work with, you may be wondering how to choose someone who is right for you.

Here are 3 steps to finding the best sex professional for you:

  1. Choose the type of help you want. A soirée, short counseling, or intensive therapy? Be honest with yourself here: what is really going to help you have the amazing sex, relationship or pleasure you deserve?
  2. Research research research! Make sure whoever you’re seeing has the credentials to back them up. Certifications aren’t everything but they can tell you how much education and training a professional had had in their specific specialty. If you aren’t familiar with a certification, look into it, paying special attention to the education topics and hours of supervised work required.
  3. Make sure it’s a good fit. You have a few potential options in mind. Check out their blogs and social media to get a better sense of who they are. If it is an option, schedule a short meeting. If it isn’t offered, ask if you can chat for 15-20 minutes to ensure you’re well suited for each other. Remember, this work is a two-way street. You need to feel comfortable with them and they need to have the skills and knowledge to really help solve your individual concerns.

We all need a little help from time to time, and sex is definitely no exception! It may seem overwhelming, but there is a resource out there that is perfectly matched to help you get your your sexy on again or for the first time. Remember that none of these options are better than the other – it is based on what you need in order to experience the amazing sex, pleasure and relationship you deserve. Ultimately, it is all about what is best for you!

Never Had An Orgasm? The Afterglow Will Help!

never-had-an-orgasm-afterglow-vibrator

Unfortunately, so many women have never had an orgasm. That could be due to one or more reasons:

  • They have experienced sexual trauma
  • They don’t deserve pleasure
  • Their partner doesn’t value their pleasure

It’s time that women take control of their own pleasure and achieve that orgasm that they deserve!

Dr. Ralph Zimmer, a Flordia urogynecologist, who treats overactive bladder disease, stumbled upon away to help women finally achieve that elusive orgasm. He made an incredible discovery while using his laser treatment procedure, Photobiomodulation, to treat infections and reduce pain for overactive bladders.

dr-ralph-zimmer

Dr. Zimmer believed that laser stimulates blood flow and relaxes muscles in patients during treatment. Based on his patients’s reports, Dr. Zimmer realized he and his team had accidentally discovered “laser Viagra.” His patients were reporting amazing explosive orgasms!

Viagra amplifies the amount of blood-flow increasing chemical called cGMP by blocking the body from breaking it down. Pulsed infrared light increases the body’s level of the same chemical by sending it’s production into overdrive right where you need it.

All vibrators can help a woman have an orgasm. However, if the body is not biological (and emotional) receptive to having an orgasm, it won’t happen. The Afterglow vibrator is the first laser-equipped sex toy that guides a woman through the 4 stages of the sexual response cycle to achieve an orgasm.

The Afterglow doesn’t actually contain lasers, but uses internal near-infrared and visible blue and red light diodes, which are lesser versions of the deep penetrating lasers, to induce an orgasm.

It does this with the PulseWave O mode. It is an pre-programmed 8-minute setting where the luxury vibrator cycles through 4 unique 2-minute long vibration patterns while pulsing the cGMP-inducing near-infrared light.

afterglow-vibrator-pulsewave

Patience is key. As time goes on, blood flow, sensitivity & pleasure build exponentially. For women, who have never had an orgasm, they will think it’s worth the wait!

“I . . .  ordered [the Afterglow] for my wife. . . . She is 40 years old and had never had an orgasm. . . . We tried vaginal, oral, & anal sex but nothing worked. The first night the afterglow came in the mail my wife & I had 2 glasses of wine then I relaxed her with message & took out the afterglow. It was amazing. She did not know what to do with herself. After about 15 min she had an explosive orgasm & followed that with one more about 8 min later. Since then, we use it together on her once a week . . . & now she orgasms in about 5 minutes & usually has 3 or 4 in less than 30 minutes. . . . It is the best money I ever spent & both of us look forward to it each weekend.”

Afterglow features a super quiet motor and lights off mode, so no one has to know what you are up to. The user interface has large silicone buttons that are easy to feel and identify, even in the dark or with your eyes closed.

afterglow-vibrator-interface

Afterglow has lots of options to experiment with. It has 15 different vibration modes and 85 unique wave combinations.

Travel is easy with Afterglow’s travel lock (press the “+” and “-” at the same time for 3 seconds). Plus, it is powered by lithium-ion battery that can be charged via a USB port.

For women who have trouble experiencing or never had an orgasm, Afterglow can be very helpful. It guides your body through the sexual response cycle that is needed to climax.

Your orgasm will thank you!

Buy the Afterglow Vibrator

sex-toys-store-online

How Do Kegel Exercises Enhance Pleasure and Sex?

how-do-kegel-exercises-enhance-pleasure-and-sex-2

Kegels + Pleasure = YES Please!

 

Written by Kait Scalisi MPH, Director of Education and Training, My Secret Luxury and My Secret Soiree


If you are an adult in the post-Fifty Shades of Grey era, you understand when I say, “those silver balls.”

You may even know their technical name (it’s Ben Wa balls FYI) and that they help you do your Kegel exercises.  But do you really know what any of that means? Or how it relates to your pleasure and sex?

If not, you’re not alone. And keep reading.

Anatomy 101

First up: a quick anatomy lesson. As you learned in the science of orgasms, when you orgasm, what you actually experience is a series of super fast muscle contractions. What muscles are involved in your climax?

“Those would be the muscles of the uterus, vagina, pelvis, penis, anus, and prostate gland. These are known as the pelvic diaphragm and the urogenital muscles. They support your pelvic organs (e.g. bladder, uterus, and prostate) and help you stop the flow of pee midstream. The PC muscles, which you may have heard of or even strengthened through Kegel exercises, are part of this system.”

These muscles, in turn, are directly connected to those of your core, including your abs and buttocks. This is why you may sometimes find your legs twitching or you roll up during orgasm.

Because of this connectivity, there are two schools of thought regarding the best way to strengthen all these muscles, which from here on out I’ll be referring to as your orgasm muscles.

One school says: “Kegels Kegels Kegels!”

The other says: “Kegels are horrendous! Focus on core work instead.”

I recommend taking a middle ground. First, let’s explore why some folks don’t advise doing Kegels.

The Problem with Kegels

Kegels can be wonderful tools when done correctly. Properly exercising your Kegels means both tightening and releasing the muscles. Like with any exercise, the relaxation bit is as important as, if not more so than, the tightening/contraction. Why? Repeat after me:

Tight muscles are not strong muscles.

If you’ve ever had a charley horse in your leg or a knot in your back, you know what I mean. So if you’re doing Kegels without the help of exercisers, focus on the letting go part.

Additionally, for people, especially women, suffering from sexual pain, doing Kegels at all may contribute to the pain cycle. Though Kegels are often discussed as an amazing treatment, not everyone with pelvic floor issues should do them.

If you have pelvic pain, please consult with a pelvic floor physical therapist or an ob/gyn with experience treating painful before doing Kegels.

Why Kegels Rock!

Ok – so Kegels have to be done properly and they aren’t for everyone. Now that we’ve established that, let’s talk about why they are so darn amazing.

Stronger orgasms . . . .

And a boatload of other sexual health benefits such as prevention of incontinence and helping before and after pregnancy. Because orgasms are just muscle contractions, strengthening those muscles lets you have stronger contractions and therefore, more pleasure.

As you learned above though, it’s not only the PC muscles that lead to great pelvic health. It’s the whole pelvic diaphragm, urogenital muscle complex, and core. Quite simply this means the the absolute best practice for your strongest orgasm is a combination of both Kegels and core work.

Extra bonus: a stronger core helps you have more vigorous, adventurous sex, which also helps you have stronger orgasms!

Now I am not saying you should go out and start an intense exercise regimen. Obviously, exercise is good for you. But what I do recommend is combining these best practices to make exercise even more fun.

That’s right, work your Kegels while you workout. Multitasking your way to better orgasms!

Kegel Exercisers

You can do strengthen your Kegel muscles thanks to fabulous tools called Kegel exercisers. These include the Ben Wa balls as well as Kegel balls, which are larger and often have a string attached for easy removal.

I personally recommend the Lelo Luna Beads. Each set has four balls so you can add weight as your muscles strengthen. Additionally, they can be fully sterilized in boiling water. Lastly, they provide a fabulous rumble-y sensation when you wear them.

All Kegels balls have a smaller ball inside that moves around when you do things like walk, use the elliptical, go up stairs (or a stair machine), squat, etc. So if the argument above regarding the benefit of working out and doing Kegels didn’t convince you, maybe the idea that you’re getting vibrations against your G-spot while you work out will.

You’ll be to only one smiling on the elliptical!

Buy Kegel exercisers here.

One Final Thought

To strengthen a muscle, there must be a force put against it. For the PC muscles, this force is gravity. That means Kegels balls work best when you’re standing. Gravity pulls down on them and your muscles must tighten to keep them in.

To recap: to get the strongest orgasms, use a combo of Kegels and exercises that strengthen your core muscles, especially your abs and butt. You can do both at once and enjoy working out (even more) thanks to Kegels balls. 

Have questions? Kait, our resident sex educator, is here to answer them. Email her here.

sex-toys-store-online

Special thanks to Anthony Rojas, DPT and Heather Jeffcoat, DPT for contributing knowledge for this article.  

The Science of Orgasms

The-Science-of-Orgasms

Learn all about the Science behind Orgasms.

Most  people would agree that orgasms are pretty awesome. They feel amazing and provide a whole plethora of benefits. But have you ever wondered what exactly goes on during an orgasm? Let’s break it down. After all, knowledge is power and in this case “power” comes in the form of experiencing more pleasure. Cheers to that!

What is an orgasm?

At the most basic level, an orgasm is simply a series of muscle contractions. For women, these contractions occur in a rhythmic pattern, like the beat in a song. The contractions often, but not always, are accompanied by lots of pleasurable sensations, full body muscle spasms, and a feeling of release or letting go. This means there are different “levels” of orgasm, from quiet whispers to full body, curtain-climbing fireworks. So if you kind of feel like you got there but then there was just…nothing? It was an orgasm. :)

The Sexual Response Cycle

Leading up to and during the Big O, your heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing increase. After an orgasm, there are often feelings of deep relaxation and satiation.

In order to reach orgasm, your body must go through a sequence of physical and emotional changes as you become aroused.

Phase 1: Excitement

This is where arousal begins either by initial contact or in your mind. [Read more about how the brain is the largest and most important sex organ here.] Examples may include but are not limited to: kissing; watching your partner undress; reading erotic fiction; watching pornography; talking dirty.

This phase, which lasts from a few minutes to many hours, can include:

- Blood flow to the genital area increases (swelling of a woman’s clitoris and labia minor (inner lips) and erection of a the man’s penis)

- Muscle tension increases

- Breathing is accelerated

- Vaginal lubrication for women increases

- Skin is flushed

- Nipples are hardened or erect

- Women’s breasts are fuller and vaginal walls begin to swell

- Men’s testicles swell, scrotum tightens and discharge of lubricating liquid

Phase 2: Plateau

For women, this phase is dominated by increased blood flow to the clitoris and vaginal walls. Breathing and heart rate also increase. This is right before you orgasm.

This phase, which lasts only a few seconds, can include:

- The changes in Phase 1 increase

- The vagina continues to swell from increased blood flow and the vaginal walls turn a dark purple

- The woman’s clitoris becomes very sensitive and retracts under the clitoral hood

- The man’s testicles are withdrawn up into the scrotum

- Muscle spasms may begin in the feet, face, and hands

Phase 3: Orgasm

This is the climax of the sexual response cycle.

This phase can include:

- Involuntary muscle contractions

- Blood pressure, heart rate, and breathing are at their highest rates with a rapid intake of oxygen.

- Muscles spam in the feet

- Sudden any maybe forceful release of sexual tension

- Women’s vagina muscles and uterus contracts

- Some men ejaculate semen

- A rash or “sex flush” may appear on the body

Phase 4: Resolution

This is the final stage of the sexual response cycle. Blood flow decreases and the body returns to its normal state. This phase is marked by a state of calmness, enhanced intimacy and, for many, fatigue.

Men experience a refractory period during which time they cannot get another erection or orgasm. This refractory period varies among men and unfortunately gets longer as men age. Women don’t have a refractory period and some report feeling even more aroused post-climax. Therefore, women can experience sequential and multiple orgasms.

What’s the difference?

Sequential orgasms happen one immediately after another; as one stops, the next begins. Multiple orgasms happen over a longer period of time. Men can also experience multiples if they want to keep going after the refractory period.

Must you ejaculate to have an orgasm? 

No. People of all genders can climax without it! [Read more about female ejaculation.]

What muscles contract?

Those would be the muscles of the uterus, vagina, pelvis, penis, anus, and prostate gland. These are known as the pelvic diaphragm and the urogenital muscles. They support your pelvic organs (e.g. bladder, uterus, and prostrate) and help you stop the flow of pee midstream. The PC muscles, which you may have heard of or even strengthened through Kegels exercises, are part of this system.

Because everything in the human body is connected to everything else (true story!), when these muscles contract they may also send the signal to surrounding muscle groups, like your abs and legs. This is why many people experience leg twitches, arch their back, or curl up during orgasm.

Are there different types of orgasms?

Women can experience both clitoral and G-spot orgasms. Clitoral orgasms include those that happen during penetration because the clitoris includes more than just that “little button” you can see outside the body. This internal clitoris can be stimulated in a variety of ways including vulva massage and penetration.

The G-spot, however, is made up of a different a type of tissue. A G-spot orgasm often feels stronger and spread out over a larger area than a clitoral one. In other words, rather than the pleasure and good feeling being focused in and around the vulva, it spreads throughout the body.

What’s the best way to reach orgasm?

Whatever way feels best to you! Keep in mind that approximately 70% of women need some sort of clitoral stimulation to orgasm.

I want stronger or more frequent orgasm. What can I do to achieve them?

Three things: strengthen your orgasm muscles, sexual stimulants, and practice!

  1. The best way to strengthen your orgasm muscles is through a combination of both core work (abs and butt exercises) and Kegels. Kegels exercisers or ben wa balls help with the latter. They are great to wear during workouts for an extra special exercise routine!
  2. Sexual stimulants increase blood flow to the genitals. Essentially this helps you get aroused more easily and makes everything down there more sensitive.
  3. Practice makes perfect, right? Practice edging – bringing yourself right there (you know — just before you orgasm) — and then stop. Do this again if you’d like. As it gets easier, bring yourself closer and closer until you just can’t take it anymore.

I struggle with orgasm. Why is that and what can I do? 

There are both physical and psychological reasons people struggle to orgasm. New research shows that what you think about during sex has a huge impact on your ability to climax. Other people may simply need to use more personal lubricant, have longer foreplay or need a vibrator. [Read more about painful sex here.] For others, anxiety or a history of trauma may make it difficult to enjoy pleasure and touch.

Have a question about orgasm? Our sexpert and Director of Education and Training is here to answer them! Send in your question here. It’s completely confidential.

sex-toys-store-online

High Quality Adult Sex Toys of Fifty Shades of Grey

High-Quality-Adult-Sex-Toys-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey

See our picks for the best High Quality Sex Toys from Fifty Shades of Grey!

Fifty Shades of Grey is on everyone’s mind for one reason or another. Love or hate E.L. James’ sexy series, the movie will be out February 2015. After reading the book(s), many women wanted to recreate the same sexual experience and pleasure (!) that Ana had. Shortly after the phenomenon, Fifty Shades of Grey inspired many of their own branded pleasure products — from BDSM gear and equipment to adult sex toys to adult lotions and potions.

Unfortunately, since My Secret Luxury is the ultimate authority on luxury sex toys and accessories, those Fifty Shades of Grey official products don’t meet our quality standards. So, here are our picks for products that meet our high quality standards.

High Quality Adult Sex Toys of 50 Shades:

Blindfolds

Christian used a blindfold many times on Ana. He takes away her sense of sight, which leaves her wondering what is about to happen next. When you hinder one sense, all the others are heightened. It creates the feeling of excitement, but only if your lover feels safe with you. Our favorite blindfolds are the Bettie Page Blackout Blindfold and the LELO Intima Silk Blindfold.

Butt Plugs

For Christian’s birthday, Ana gives him a box with a few items she is curious to play with. One of the items is a metal butt plug. Although Christian explains that this is much too advanced for her and he starts with a finger, you may be ready to try one of these yourself. Why is anal play so pleasurable? For women, the clitoral legs and all of their amazing sensory nerve endings can extend all the way down to the anus. It’s very important with anal play to start small and of course, use lots of anal lubricant. Our favorite beginner butt plug is the Chrome Blossom Little Bud.

Crops

There are a wide variety of crops out there and only the highest quality products are worth your money. If you are beginner, it’s best for you and your lover to learn how to you a crop properly. We recommend starting with a wider crop so that it hits a larger surface area, which lessens the sting and is less painful for the receiver. You can then graduate to the smaller crop that Christian uses on Ana’s clitoris in the first book. To begin, try the Fashionistas Riding Crop or the Madame Mystique Crop.

Games 

Games of submission and dominance can add variety in the bedroom. You don’t need to buy a game or do anything formal. Blindfold your lover. Tie your lovers’ hands behind their back or over their head. Use an ice cube or massage oil candle to feel a different sensation. Seducing and teasing your lover is a great way to spice things up. For more inspiration, click here for 5 kinky games from Jaiya, an award-winning sexologist.

Kegel Balls

Thanks to 50 Shades, women now know and understand the benefits of these little balls of pleasure. What are kegel balls or ben wa balls? They are excellent for your sexual health, specifically, your pelvic floor health. They are discreet and comfortable to wear for many hours, if you wish. They can be used in a variety of ways. Our favorites are the kinds that have a smaller ball that jiggles inside them like the Fun Factory Smartballs or the Je Joue Ami.

Music

We love that music is its own character in the book. Music can be a relaxing tool as well as a powerful aphrodisiac. Opera, classical and powerful vocals that do not have words can be erotic and put you in the mood for sexual play. Listen to the music from the book or make your own list of favorite sexy music. Or, if you want to take things to the next level, try an OhMiBod vibrator, like the OhMiBod blueMotion that vibrates to music!

Restraints

Believe it or not, restraints or handcuffs can be playful. Yes – because it adds another dimension to sexual play or another way to spice things up. Remember when you impede once sense, all of the other senses are heightened. Restraints should be beautiful yet also do their job of restraining. Try the beautiful LELO Etherea wrist cuffs or BondAids handcuffs. If you want to try something that’s a little bit more daring, like rope, make sure that you get a hemp or natural fiber rope like the Bettie Page Bondage Rope. And don’t forget to always be safe when it comes to playing with restraints.

Luxury Vibrators

Like so many women, Ana was a newbie to the world of vibrators. Thanks to Christian, she became a fan! In one scene, he also used music and a blindfold with the vibrator. Which is the best luxury vibrator for you? Everyone’s body is different and everyone likes different things.  Part of the fun of using a vibrator is experimenting with different types to discover what you like best. Read more about how to choose the right vibrator for you here.

Just like Ana opened herself to an entirely different world from what she was used to, it’s time for you to try new things and experiment. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t have the same experience as Ana on your first try. It takes skill and practice for most of us, unless you have a lover like Christian! Be patient with yourself and your lover. Always remember to be open and honest with yourself especially when it comes to new types of sexual play and exploration. The entire point is to create and live your own fantasy!

sex-toys-store-online