The Truth About Vibrators

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Sex with Dr. Jess

Dr. Jessica O’Reilly is a sexologist out of Toronto. She has shared some of the most common vibrator myths that she sees in her practice.

Myth: Vibrators are for single ladies. 

FACT: Married women actually report higher rates of use than singles (60 vs. 30 percent). Given that women who use vibrators also report higher levels of sexual desire and satisfaction, this is actually good news for marriages!

Myth: Men hate vibrators.  

FACT: Actually, men like vibrators too! Some women worry that their partners will be intimidated by vibrators, but a recent study says otherwise. The good folks at the Kinsey Institute polled over 3000 respondents and 70 percent of men reported that they have no issue with their female lovers using a battery-operated device in bed. Men understand that while vibrators can help to produce mind-blowing orgasms, they are not a replacement for human touch, affection and connection.

In Dr. Jess’ practice, she observed that men are both excited and pro-active in response to her suggestion that they explore the world of sex toys. One client explained his enthusiasm: “If it puts her in the mood, then I’m all for it! And if it helps her to climax, I definitely want to make friends with that thing.”

Another client was surprised to learn that the vibrations intensified his orgasms too: “I assumed these things were only for women, but the sensations actually made the experience more pleasurable for me too.”

Myth: Vibrators are highly addictive. 

FACT: You may love using your vibrator, but the chances of becoming addicted to it are slim to none. Addiction involves  impaired behavioural control, constant craving, difficulty recognizing problem behaviours and a dysfunctional emotional response. She has yet to come across a man or woman whose vibrator use amounts to addiction.

You may find it is easier to reach orgasm with a vibrator, but this is simply a function of your body’s unique and natural responses. It only becomes a problem if you forget to charge the batteries…

Myth: The bigger the better! 

FACT: Many women use vibrators on the outside to rub, tug and massage, so size is often less relevant than shape. Some of the newer models, like the We-Vibe Thrill Vibrator and Fun Factory G4 Calla Vibrator, have handles and angles designed to offer both penetration and vulval rubbing alongside vibrations.

Her clients also report that the mini vibrators are the ones that pack the greatest climactic punch.

Myth: Vibrators cause numbness and nerve damage.

FACT: Regular use of vibrators will not cause nerve damage and very few women (3 percent) experience frequent numbness from vibrator use. This numbness is temporary and is similar to the sensations you might experience after a long session of intercourse. Just as your butt can feel numb after sitting through a two-hour meeting, your clitoris reacts in a similar fashion to intense stimulation. After a few minutes (or sometimes a bit longer), they both go back to normal.

Myth: If your lover uses a vibrator, you’re doing something wrong.

FACT: A vibrator is simply an enhancement device and is not designed to replace a human partner. In fact, women who use vibrators actually report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and functioning in partnered relationships. For some of her clients, the introduction of vibrating toys has actually opened the lines of communication and inspired them to talk about sex in new and meaningful ways.

And a few that I’ll add . . . .

Myth: All vibrators require batteries and are not waterproof.

FACT: Cheap vibrators require batteries and/or are not waterproof. Most luxury vibrators are waterproof and rechargeable. So, you don’t have to worry about having extra batteries on hand, and you can use your vibrator in the shower, bath or pool.

Myth: All vibrators are safe for your body.

FACT: Most vibrators are made with toxic materials such as phthalates, which is a chemical to soften plastic. Why would you want to put anything toxic near or in the vagina? All high quality vibrators are bodysafe and don’t contain any toxic chemicals.

Truth: You pay for what you get. When it comes to sex toys for women, especially the best vibrators, quality is worth the extra investment.

What Is Pegging Sex?

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Pegging sex: are you a fan?

Many people ask: what is the latest trend in sex toys? The answer is pegging.

What Is Pegging Or Pegging Sex?

Pegging is when a woman wears a strap-on dildo and performs anal sex on a man. However, if a woman performs anal sex on another woman, it is NOT considered pegging.

What Sex Toys And Sex Accessories Are Used For Pegging?

A strap-on dildo harness or dildo panties, a strap-on dildo, and anal lubricant.

Why Do Men Enjoy Pegging?

Anal sex is perfect for prostate stimulation. The effect of stimulating the p-spot in men is similar to stimulating the g-spot in woman: a mind blowing orgasm. Some men also enjoy being dominated and find it very erotic.

Why Do Women Enjoy Pegging?

Pegging is a turn on to some woman because anal play can be very exciting, especially when they see their male partner really enjoying the experience. They can also enjoy the power reversal and enjoy dominating their male lover. If she uses a double-sided dildo, then she also receives pleasure.

How Do You Introduce Pegging To Your Partner?

Whether you are the woman or the man, open communication is always best. Tell your partner that you have this fantasy and you want to try it. If you are a woman, remind him that anal sex does not make him gay, but prostate stimulation resulting in a p-spot orgasm will beat any orgasm that he’s ever had. When you say that, he’ll probably go for it!

Things To Remember . . .

Use a good amount of anal lube, which is thicker and stays on longer. Also, don’t forget to go SLOW, especially if your partner has never been penetrated anally. Read more about anal sex.

Pegging sex is just another form of sexual expression that shouldn’t be looked down upon. Remember, at one time, masturbation was once taboo too. If you are fan of pegging, good for you — it’s just another way to experience pleasure.

Read more about how to choose a strap-on and a prostate massage.

How Have Vibrators Changed?

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Cleopatra’s Vibrator

As mentioned in a previous post, the birth of sex toys occurred many many years ago. It took a little longer for vibrators to come on the scene because they had to figure out how to get the buzz on.

How Have Vibrators Changed?

Supposedly, in 45 BC Cleopatra is rumored to be the first woman to use a vibrator by hollowing out a gourd and filling it with bees. I hope she didn’t get stung down there. Ouch!

Many years later, in 1880, George Taylor got tired of using his hands. So, he invented a large steam-powered massage apparatus.

Shortly thereafter in 1902, Hamilton Beach invented the electrical vibrator, which was the fifth domestic appliance to be electrified. It was so popular that Sears Roebuck couldn’t keep it in stock!

Fast forward to 1968 when Jon Tavel patents the first Cordless Vibrator for Use on the Human Body, which required two batteries and featured a rotating cap for adjusting speeds. This classic vibrator design is still manufactured today.

In 1998, the Rabbit Vibrator became a celebrity thanks to Sex and the City. Today there are multiple versions of the Rabbit Habit.

Not only has the technology of vibrators changed over the years from steam powered vibrators to rechargeable vibrators, the reason why we use vibrators has also changed. Vibrators used to be just for women, but now male vibrators and couples vibrators exist. People are also more open to discussing sex and sex toys. Oh, how times have changed!

Jimmyjane - Vibrators, Then vs. Now

Vibrators have also evolved from poorly made cheap vibrators to high quality luxury vibrators. However, most people don’t know that better vibrators and high quality adult toys exist. As you know, we are no longer in the Stone Age or even  1998. It’s the 21st Century. How old is your vibrator or sex toy?

What are you waiting for? Buy a luxury sex toy today!

Is Your Sex Life Normal?

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Is your sex life normal?

Everyone is curious how often people around them are having sex and what other people are doing in the bedroom. What is normal? Good news: there is no normal!

Here are some signs that your sex life is absolutely normal:

You Rarely Have Sex

No matter how much you have sex, as long as it works for both you and your partner, who cares?

You Don’t Orgasm

There’s no doubt that orgasms are great. But realistically, not everyone can have an orgasm every time. Sometimes, being close to your partner is much more important or just as satisfying.

You Watch Porn Together

There’s nothing wrong with porn especially if you watch it together to get into the mood.

You Have an Open Relationship

Do you like to swing? Do you like to have a third person join you in the bedroom? As long as both people in the relationship agree, then go for it!

Fantasizing Turns You On

Fantasies can be very exciting. If you need to fantasize about something or someone to get turned on, it doesn’t mean that you would actually want these things to actually happen.

You Are Into Kinky Sex

Do you like to be submissive or do you like to be in control  in the bedroom? Sometimes, when you are in charge all day, you want someone to make all the decisions in the bedroom. Or, you prefer to always be in control. Either way, it’s fine!

You Love Dirty Talk

Do you like to talk dirty? If so, you are not alone. We all express love and lust in different ways, right? So, don’t stop talking!

You Use Sex Toys

Hopefully, they are luxury sex toys! Everyone deserves pleasure no matter how they get it.

Whether or not you relate to any of these signs, don’t worry. As long as both partners agree on things, you are having fun and everyone is safe, your sex life is normal!

Non-verbal Ways to Show Your Love

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We all know that actions really do speak louder than words. It’s always great to hear “I love you,” but sometimes you need more. So instead of telling your partner that you love them, show it!

Here’s some non-verbal ways to show your love:

Physical contact

No – I am not talking about sex here. Sex does not necessarily mean love. However, a sweet kiss or a meaningful hug can go a long way. Physical contact shows your partner that you enjoy being close to them and you want more closeness. We are humans and we are made to be touched. Frequent physical contact also shows that you’re checking in to see how they’re doing, translating to them that you care about them.

And for those of you who care about the technical side of things, the effects of touch travels faster to your brain than words do. Words have to be processed first through the speech centers, while touch is directly felt through your skin’s many many nerve endings.

Listen

Don’t just say you are listening with a few “uh huhs,” but actually listen and give your partner your full attention! Stop what you are doing and listen! Actively listen by restating or paraphrasing what you heard. Or, let the other person speak to you without judgement or criticism and with an open mind.

Be Proactive

How does it feel when someone does something nice for your without you even asking? Amazing!! Do the dishes without being asked. Offer to get a drink when you get up from the couch. Buy flowers for no reason. Write a love note just because. Buy your partner a luxury sex toy. Going out of your way to help your partner or make them feel special every once in a while will be extremely appreciated.

When the other person discovers what you did, don’t say anything — just smile. If you have to say something, keep it simple and say “You’re welcome.” Don’t make a big deal about it – let the action speak for itself and how much you care.

Make Eye Contact and Smile

When you can, meet the other person’s eyes. Don’t stare, but do allow yourself to be caught looking at them every so often. When you’ve been detected, smile a little bit and hold their gaze for another second before looking away. Smile at your lover whenever you can and get caught!

Showing Patience

Sometimes it seems like we never have patience for those we love. Showing your patience for your partner is proving that you love them and they are worth the extra time. Patience will change their mood and make them feel less anxious around you.

There are many ways to say “I love you” without saying those 3 words. Try the non-verbal ways to show your love and see what a difference it makes!

How to Introduce Anal Sex

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How to Introduce Anal

Do you want to introduce anal but you are not sure how? Have you tried to approach the subject with your lover but are not sure what to do next?

For many people, not agreeing to anal is more of a mental stumbling block than anything else. They are either self conscious or are religiously conflicted about it. If you press your partner into an experience that turns out unpleasant or uncomfortable, say goodbye to anal. Communicate, listen and take it very, very slowly and (back) doors will open!

Things to Remember First

It is very wise to be prepared with anal lubricant, which is thicker than regular lubricant. Anal lube stays on the skin longer providing a more comfortable feeling by reducing friction and sensation. You might also want to try an anal relaxer, such as Intimate Organics Adventure Woman’s Anal Relaxing Spray or Pjur Analyse Me Anal Comfort Spray.

How to Introduce Anal

When introducing anal please remember that what you see on porn is not real! Please remember to be gentle so that the experience is pleasurable for the receiver!

  1. Get your partner really excited. That way, they won’t be worrying about what will happen next.
  2. Using fingers first is a good way to get your partner comfortable with the idea of anal. Start with a single finger, maybe your pinky finger. On a woman, with her permission ahead of time, try stimulating her clitoris and very slowly insert your well lubed finger while still performing oral.
  3. After your partner is comfortable with a finger or two, you might want to try an anal toy or rubbing the penis against the anus. If experimenting with the penis, the next time, you could try a little actual penetration and the next time even more penetration until the penis if fully inside the anus.

Why Is Anal Sex Enjoyable for Women?

The anus shares a wall with the vaginal cavity. So anal penetration not only stimulates the cervix (encouraging deep orgasm), at certain angles, it  also stimulates the G-spot. Either way, the combination of stimulating the clitoris and the anus generally creates a more intense orgasm, which will be very appreciated!

What Is Rimming?

If everyone is comfortable, you could try licking the butt, which is called rimming. Start this in the shower so that everyone feels clean. Rimming can be very erotic and is something new for you to explore.

What Is the Best Anal Sex Toy?

Beginner

You are a beginner if you have never used an anal toy, or have only used small anal toys or a finger for anal penetration. Stick with something simple and lightweight that is either silicone or hard plastic. Try a toy that has a diameter of approximately 0-1″. You could also try anal beads since the beads graduate in size and you can use as much of the toy as you feel comfortable. The anal toys that My Secret Luxury recommends for beginners are the Fun Factory Bootie Anal Plug, the Tantus Neo Anal Plug, the small Tantus Silk Dildo, and Fun Factory Flexi Felix Anal Beads.

How to use anal beads: Lubricate yourself and the anal beads, then insert the first bead slowly and gently. You can then insert each bead slowly until you’ve taken as much as you are comfortable with. Anal beads can be pleasurable when left in during sex or masturbation. Another way anal beads can be pleasurable is at the beginning of orgasm. When starting to orgasm, the beads can be pulled out one at a time during orgasm making the orgasm even better.

Intermediate

If you have had previous experience with smaller anal toys are are ready to graduate to something bigger. It’s recommended that you choose a toy that is approximately  1-1.5″ in diameter. Now might be the time to introduce heavier materials like glass, stainless steel or wood. You could also introduce some texture or vibration. My Secret Luxury recommends Crystal Delights Anal PlugPretty Plug Anal PlugNobEssence Romp Anal Plug, Crystal Delights Pineapple Anal Plug, and Tantus Twist Anal Plug.

Advanced

More advanced anal users want something large with a diameter at least 1.5″ or more. My Secret Luxury recommends the Njoy Pure Plug Large or Njoy Pure Plug 2.0.

Anal stimulation is fun and very pleasurable and can improve both solo and partner play. While it might not be for everyone, you’ll never know if anal sex it’s right for you and your lover until you try it!

How to Choose a Rabbit Vibrator

The Sex and they City Rabbit Vibrator

The Sex and they City Rabbit Vibrator

Who remembers this scene from Sex and the City?

Carrie: I’m not going to replace a man with some battery-operated device.

Miranda: You haven’t met ‘The Rabbit.’

Samantha: Oh come on, if you’re going to get a vibrator, at least get one called ‘The Horse.’

The Rabbit vibrator then became infamous as Charlotte’s new boyfriend.

The original rabbit, the “Rabbit Habit,” inspired hundreds of copies. Created in Japan over 25 years ago, it was the first to offer both internal and external stimulation at the same time. The Rabbit Habit featured a bunny rabbit attached to the base of a shaft, which is detailed to resemble a woman with a caricature face, necklace, and bob haircut.

In Japan, it is taboo to show genitalia. Therefore, faces and other details were designed to soften their visual impact and disguise their true use. Some of the more elaborate designs even included swords, kimonos, and other details to represent samurai and geisha characters.

Over 5 million jack rabbit vibrators are made each year, and that number keeps growing. Today, these dual stimulation vibrators also feature other animals including dolphins, seahorses, monkeys and birds. Of course, luxury rabbit vibrators do not include many animals.

So, how do you choose a rabbit vibrator?

Traditional

If you want something traditional, then try the Jimmyjane Iconic Rabbit Vibrator. This is the luxury version of the Rabbit Habit. It doesn’t have any fancy bells and whistles, but is powerful, made of quality materials, and is built to last.

Rechargeable

Who needs batteries when the best vibrators are rechargeable? The simple and elegant LELO Ina 2 Vibrator is rechargeable, powerful and has several settings with two individual motors.

Waterproof

Charlotte couldn’t take her rabbit sex toy into the shower, but you can! The Je Joue FiFi Vibrator is a simple version of the traditional rabbit vibrator. It’s super smooth and even enjoys getting wet!

Small

Small enough to carry anywhere, the Fun Factory Ocean Vibrator is excellent for travel. As an added bonus, it’s also rechargeable and waterproof.

Focusing on the G-spot

Leave it to a tiger to get the job done. The Fun Factory Tiger G4 Vibrator is excellent at stimulating the G-spot.

Discreet

Some people like the traditional look of a bunny tickling the clitoris, while others do not. The Leaf Vitality VibratorWe-Vibe Thrill Vibrator , and Jimmyjane FORM 2 Vibrator are all discreet vibrators that don’t look like sex toys for women. You could leave any of these luxury vibrators on your night stand, and no one would know it’s true function!

Modern

The LELO Soraya Vibrator is the most gorgeous rabbit vibrator. Sleek and modern with an easy to use cut out handle, the Soraya does not disappoint!

No matter which rabbit vibrator you choose, you can’t go wrong. You’ll be hopping all the way to ecstasy!