There’s a time and place for a quickie, but more often, we like sex to last a little longer. But how long is “longer”? For reference, research has shown that for heterosexual couples, sex lasts around five and a half minutes, and almost half of all men ejaculate within two minutes. A different study found that on average, straight couples consider a 3-7 minute session adequate, and most enjoyed sessions that lasted 7-13 minutes. If you (and your partner) want to make your sessions last longer, try out some of these tips:
Have him learn to be LESS aroused
You may find that the more aroused a man is, the greater effect stimulation has. He may be so aroused that he can’t prevent ejaculation, and it may happen earlier than you’d like. Have him learn to use lesser levels of arousal to his advantage. This doesn’t necessarily lead to a less pleasurable experience, but it will make ejaculation easier to control.
Try a cock ring
Cock rings are penis rings made of silicone, metal, or other materials, and they work by restricting the blood flow at the base of the shaft of the penis. This can help maintain harder, stronger erections, and some men (not all) find that these devices can help them last longer. Some rings also vibrate to enhance the pleasure of the wearer’s partner.
Try practicing mindfulness
Try focusing on your breathing and mindfulness. This can help delay ejaculation. And don’t just practice mindfulness in the bedroom; practicing daily can help improve sexual performance too. Try meditating once a day, or focusing on the small sensations you experience over the course of the day while trying to avoid distractions.
As long as there’s no medical issue causing premature ejaculation, there might be a strategy that’s just as effective as it is fun – just have more sex. For some couples, the only problem is a simple lack of conditioning. You go to the gym to get stronger. In the same way, more sex will condition your body to last longer. If your partner masturbates infrequently or not at all, you may find this strategy even more helpful. If you get used to it, you’ll get better at holding back orgasms.
Focus on your partner
Sex isn’t all about penis-in-vagina activity. If the male partner is facing an impending orgasm, he can simply give it a rest and take a break to pleasure his partner. This will sort of “reset” your progress toward ejaculation, allowing you to last longer when you continue.
Use toys as a couple
It’s not cheating! If you’re playing together and you both enjoy it, introducing some toys into your bedroom activities can be a great idea. For one thing, it can add some variety and it can be a lot of fun. For another, it can be a good tool for helping you both experience pleasure. If the male partner isn’t lasting long enough, he can stop for a bit and use a vibrator on his partner until both partners are close. Then you can both finish together.
This relates to the first point, keeping the male partner slightly less aroused. If he has ejaculated recently, it will take longer for him to orgasm a second time. If he wants to last longer, have him masturbate an hour or two before your sexual activity.
Use the refractory period
The length of the refractory period differs between men, but depending on how long yours is, you might not need to stop after a single round. Have sex, ejaculate, and then move onto something else for a few minutes until you feel ready again, and then go for round two. The penis is often less sensitive after the first orgasm, which will allow the man to last longer the second time.
Try new things
If you’ve been with the same partner for a long time, familiar sex positions can lead you to anticipate orgasm, which will make it happen sooner. Trying new positions and new activities can distract him a bit, which will help him last longer. You may also find some new things you both like!
When the male partner is about to ejaculate, stop what you’re doing and wait a minute or two before getting back to it. If you train your partner’s body to reach the edge of orgasm and then suppress it, he will learn to spend more time close to ejaculating but without actually doing it. You may also find that when he does orgasm, it will be stronger than usual due to an increased buildup of pleasure.
Use thicker condoms
Many men dislike condoms because they reduce sensation, but this isn’t always a bad thing. If you have trouble lasting long enough, that reduced sensation can help you lengthen the session. Try using a thicker condom. If you don’t use condoms, consider it. And of course, the usual rules regarding condoms apply: don’t use more than one at once, and make sure it fits.
If all else fails, you may want to consider taking a medication that will help with premature ejaculation. You should first try a topical male desensitizer that uses benzocaine. Unfortunately, there are plenty of supplements that claim that they’ll help in gas stations and seedy sex shops, but it’s best to avoid those. If you think you might have a medical issue, go to a urologist to find out what exactly the issue is and what you can do to fix it.